Partner Has Gambling Problem
Are you concerned that someone you know has a gambling problem, but not sure what type of things to look for? Knowing the warning signs can help you decide what action to take.
It is common to notice changes in the person's finances, mood and behaviour or how they spend their time.
Financial signs
Some common financial warning signs that someone may have a problem with gambling include:
- Money missing from bank accounts, wallet/purse or money jar
- Household items and valuables missing
- Regularly short of money even though they earn a wage
- Borrowing money on a regular basis
- Having many loans at the one time
- Being secretive about financial records or payslips
- Unpaid bills/disconnection notices
- Lack of food in the house.
Mood and behavioural signs
My partner has a gambling problem. The week before Christmas he gambled his entire pay - I was on maternity leave at the time, and we had no presents for the kids. Most recently, last week he again put his entire pay through the pokies. I'm back at work now, but only part time, as we have 3 kids. The first thing you need to do, then, is take an honest look at yourself. Make sure that you’re not being fooled. A gambler’s spouse can sometimes remain in a state of denial for years until some dramatic event suddenly jerks her back to reality. You don’t want to let things slip that far.
When someone develops a gambling problem, there are often noticeable changes to their mood and behaviour, including:
- Becoming withdrawn from others/family events
- Performance at work is being affected
- Seeming worried, agitated or upset for no apparent reason
- Reporting feeling hopeless, depressed, frustrated or suicidal
- Changes in personality - sleeping, eating, or sexual relationship patterns
- Controlling and/or manipulative behaviour
- Using threats, lies or charm to manipulate others.
Time related signs
Some common time-related signs that could indicate someone has a problem with gambling include:
- Spending more and more time gambling
- Being secretive about unexplained absences
- Often being late for commitments
- Taking a lot of sick days or days off
- Taking an unusual amount of time for simple tasks (e.g. taking two hours to get the paper from the shops).
Remember gambling behaviour is often hidden
It can be difficult to know if someone has a problem with gambling. Initially we may not want to believe that someone we know or love has a problem with gambling.
It can also be difficult to detect a gambling problem, because many people who gamble do not show their feelings and may lie or get angry if questioned about their behaviour.
People sometimes say they feel that they should have noticed sooner, but remember the person gambling may have gone to great lengths to hide it from you.
Once you have noticed there are many ways we can help you and the person gambling – why not start chatting to one of our Counsellors today, it’s free, confidential and available 24/7:
Is your spouse currently dealing with a gambling problem, and you can’t figure out why they’re behaving the way they are?
There are lots of people that can go out to a casino and enjoy the fun in gambling whether they win or lose.
However, there are other individuals who over the course of time develop an addiction to gambling that can ultimately tear apart their lives.
From the outside looking in, it seems as if a person should be able to control their actions – especially when the consequences are severe.
Be that as it may, compulsive gambling and/or addiction are progressive and complicated illnesses that eventually grow beyond their control.
Understanding What Compulsive Gambling is
Winning is something that we all hope to do when we gamble (or compete on some level). When we actually do win, there’s an instant feeling of thrill and accomplishment.
These overwhelming feelings are triggered by chemicals released into the “feel good” section of the brain. Naturally, the brain wants to feel this feeling again and thus begins to actions of repetitive gambling.
Partner Has Gambling Problem Gambling
What was once a monthly trip to the casino then becomes gambling online and/or betting on sports. The more you win, the more you want to gamble. The more you lose the more you want to win again. Eventually, it is out of your control and the brain simply feels it “needs” to win in order to feel good again.
Some might assume that if they can be satisfied with gambling on occasion, so should those who suffer from compulsive gambling or an addiction. However, it is important to point out that everyone is different and thus can be affected by gambling in a different way.
While one person could develop an addiction after gambling for the first time, others may not develop an addiction for several years. There are varying factors that determine when a person may or may not develop an addiction.
Signs Of a Gambling Problem
Partner Has Gambling Problem Definition
After fully understanding the meaning of a compulsive gambler or a gambling addict, the next step in helping your loved one with their issue is to educate yourself on the warning signs.
Below are a few of these signs to consider:
- Has your spouse started gambling more than usual?
- Are they spending money that you don’t have to spend on gambling?
- Do they gamble despite your concern?
- Does gambling keep them from completing daily responsibilities at home and/or at work?
- Have they begun to lie about their gambling activities in an effort to keep you off their back?
- Have they begun stealing and/or committing fraud as a means to get money to gamble?
- Do they ask others for small loans and use it to gamble (or to cover gambling debts)?
If you’ve recognized any of these signs in your spouse, you will need to address the matter so that you can get them assistance with their illness.
Approaching Your Loved One
Dealing with the realization that your spouse may have a gambling problem can be a hard pill to swallow.
Prior to approaching them on the subject matter, it may be ideal that you first take a few deep breaths and equip yourself with resourceful information on gambling addictions. When you do approach your spouse, it will be important that you approach him with love and concern and not from a place of pain or anger.
When you’re dealing with something as serious as addiction, you must handle it delicately to ensure that what you have to say does not seem like an ambush. Below are a few tips on talking with a loved one:
· Sort through your feelings first – the moment you realize there is a gambling problem, you don’t want to address the issue right then.
Take the time to ensure that you’re fully educated on addiction and how to best help your loved one prior to having a discussion.
· Be an effective communicator – when you’re dealing with something as serious as addiction it is important that you do as much listening as you do talking.
If your loved one is made to feel like all you’re doing is pointing fingers, they may be reluctant to confide in you, or even worse, refuse to get help.
· Share what you’ve learned – After having addressed your concerns with your loved one, and having listened to their feelings on the matter, sharing what you’ve learned about gambling addiction is a great way to show them you care.
You can discuss what addiction is, what the warning signs are, and the various ways to get help.
Getting Help
There are several methods in which you can get help for your spouse and their gambling addiction. There is essentially talking with a therapist, going with a rehab facility for outpatient treatment options, or going for long term care inpatient treatment options.
While everyone has a different path to recovery, Prescotthouse.net, a rehab facility for men, discusses why long term treatment is ideal for optimal recovery. After deciding which route you’re going to take, reaching out to the best service provider right away is ideal.
The sooner your loved one can get help, the better off they’ll be.
Dealing with mental illness of any kind can be traumatic not only for the person suffering from the illness, but for the family as well.
If your spouse is currently struggling with a gambling problem, or any form of addiction, it is ideal that you first educate yourself, recognize the signs, and approach them in a loving and supportive way.
When they’re ready to change, knowing that they have you in their corner to get help will make their recovery that much more successful.
Partner With Gambling Problem
This post was contributed by writer, Christine Michaels.