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Don’t you just hate it when you check into a £26,000-a-night suite and all is not to your liking? We weren’t prepared to let that happen to the first paying guest at the Lanesborough’s new Royal Suite — an American billionaire who has reputedly booked it for three weeks — so I got in to road-test it first.
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The high life begins even before I reach the cream-stucco mansion on Hyde Park Corner. I’m collected from Waterloo by a butler in a tail coat and ushered to the car that comes with the suite. It’s not a Vauxhall Zafira, you won’t be surprised to learn. As my £320,000, spanking-new Rolls-Royce Phantom purrs through the city’s streets, tourists rush to take photos.
The Lanesborough reopened after a 19-month renovation, rumoured to have cost £80m. A large chunk of that has clearly gone on my seven-bedroom, Regency-style residence.
The main sky-blue living room is big enough to land a plane in, and there’s 24-carat gold leaf everywhere. Add in enormous chandeliers, handcrafted furniture from Restall, Brown & Clennell (which kitted out No 10), and 18th-century oil paintings, and the effect is palatial — just as hotel regulars Tom Cruise and Jay-Z like it.
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The suite is a technophile’s dream: TVs hidden behind paintings, remote-controlled everything, except for the night-lights, which come on if a foot hits the floor during darkness and lead the way to the nearest of the eight-and-a-half marble bathrooms.
Vittorio, my butler, is on hand 24/7 to pour the Dom Perignon and generally do my bidding. He serves me a seven-course tasting menu at my mahogany dining table, which can seat 12 (no need to mix with the riffraff downstairs at the hotel’s ultra-swanky new restaurant, Céleste).
Is the Royal Suite worth it? Of course not. That doesn’t mean it will lie vacant. The hotel is predicting occupancy levels of 60%. If so, it will generate £5.7m annually.
Somewhat surprising, then, that the room rate doesn’t include breakfast. For £26,000, you’d think they could have thrown in a bacon sandwich.
Susan d’Arcy was a guest of the Lanesborough (lanesborough.com)
More top-dollar London suites
1. Grand Manor House Wing, Rosewood
There are six plush bedrooms in the only suite in the world with its own postcode (£25,000 a night; rosewoodhotels.com).
2. Sterling Suite, Langham
It has a baby grand in the sitting room, and six bedrooms (£24,000; langhamhotels.com).
3. Royal Penthouse, Corinthia
There’s a mirrored dining room and two sumptuous bedrooms (£22,000; corinthia.com).
4. Shangri-La Suite, The Shard
Floor-to-ceiling windows maximise the extraordinary views from this one-bedroom suite (£14,000; shangri-la.com).
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5. Royal Wing, Hotel Cafe Royal
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The six-bedroom suite has gilt detailing, gold-hued walls and vast Carrara marble bathrooms (£12,000; hotelcaferoyal.com).